I Read Terrible Things

We read terrible things. While drinking. And blog about it. With gifs.

Posts tagged Romance

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Interlude: Mystic Valley: Moonshine

Hey kids!  between the last Terrible Thing and the Next Terrible thing, we present: THIS (shorter!) TERRIBLE THING!  

Being a human has gotten Claire down.  She’s a shapeshifter and is looking for someone who can HANDLE her.
Then she meets Lars, a dangerous, sexy alpha, in a smoky bar. They share some moonshine, a potent shifter aphrodisiac, and have blisteringly hot sex.

Their one night of intoxicated passion leaves her wanting more, but Lars isn’t interested in a woman who can only let loose while under the influence. Claire must then decide whether she’s ready—and willing—to truly embrace her wild side.”

 LOL Lars.

This night is being celebrated with the ever classy Mike’s Hard (Pink!) Lemonade.  WE’RE GETTING DRUNK FOR CANCER, BITCHES.

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Filed under i read terrible things Mystic Valley: Moonshine Erotica romance paranormal paranormal romance

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Be Still My Vampire Heart: THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION FINALLY THANK GOD

I found it!  I found the book!  I’d stuck it in the paper bag that they gave me at the liquor store.  Not sure why I put it there.  I’m sure it made sense at the time.

Guys.  Guys.  WE’RE ALMOST DONE, GUYS.  THREE CHAPTERS AND AN EPILOGUE AWAY.

I really, really want to be done with this book.  I’ve mixed myself a nice tall rum and coke, and I’m going to see if I can power through the last few chapters to the end.

And then take a shower in a vain attempt to cleanse this evil from my soul long enough to get me started on the next one.

Let’s see, where were we?  Ah, yes.  Angus and Emma were captured, Angus was all set to eat Emma alive, and Emma tearfully refused to kill him to save herself.  WHAT SHALL THESE TRAGICALLY MURDEROUS STAR CROSSED LOVERS DO??

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Filed under Be Still My Vampire Heart i read terrible things Vampires romance drama OH MY GOD WE'RE DONE HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA MANIACAL LAUGHTER

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Interlude: The Riding Crop

A short story interlude! (Because I may have mislaid Be Still My Vampire Heart.  Unintentionally, I swear.)

While browsing free downloadable romance stories we have stumbled across THE RIDING CROP.  The tag?  ”Is it possible two emotionally closed off people can find intimacy? What lengths will they take?


Be Warned: BDSM, voyeurism, m/m sex.”

Bring. it. on.

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Filed under i read terrible things interlude the riding crop romance erotica

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Be Still My Vampire Heart: Erotic Asphyxiation is a Complicated Business.

Allllrighty then.

I know all y’all are breathless in anticipation for the next update of Fifty Shades of Grey, but we surely cannot neglect the harrowing and thrilling romance of Emma and Angus!  (Ship name?  EMGUS.)   In this presentation we have: POOR CHOICES, making their hundredth appearance! A 400+ year old man trying to grasp deviant sexual acts!  THEY CONTINUE TO HAVE UNRESOLVED SEXUAL FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER.

I don’t like this book.

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Filed under I read terrible things Be Still My Vampire Heart Reviews commentary romance ;aksdjfhk;asjdfh THIS BOOK.

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Be Still My Vampire Heart: Misogynists! Misogynists EVERYWHERE!

Sooo, this section is baaaasically Male Entitlement: The Series.  I explained Angus’s shenanigans alone to Minorthalia, who said, “Well, he HAS to be a dick at first, so that she can make him BETTER-“
Me: She doesn’t think he’s a dick.
Minorthalia: …Wha-?
Me: She thinks he’s evil because he’s a Vampire, but she finds him CHARMING.
Minorthalia: Oh.  Oh dear.

ONWARD!

 

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Filed under I read terrible things Romance Be Still My Vampire Heart Misogyny!

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Be Still My Vampire Heart, Part One: Someone actually called a book this.

Guys, I think I have found the worst book yet.  It’s forbidden love between Vampire and Vampire Slayer, only so much worse than that. 

I will say that this telling will begin a bit differently, as this new novel was found in the discount pile at Powell’s by myself and my friend Kristin, and then one of us read it aloud while the other scrawled horrified notes on napkins in a coffee shop.  So, this might be a bit disjointed.  (For example, some of Kristin’s horrified notes are just “Boners tonight!  BONERS!” “You walked into that one.” “This woman’s body does not function like it should!” “Rump-induced hypnosis!” and, and this is a direct quote, “CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPYCREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEP CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY.”  I have absolutely no idea what parts of the book any of those comments pertain to.)  So, bear with us.

Without futher ado:
 

There’s a lot at stake in this romance.
THERE’S A LOT AT STAKE
AT STAKE

 

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Filed under i read terrible things jackietastic Be Still My Vampire Heart Romance Paranormal Romance review commentary Sparks Vampire romance Vampires