GUYS WE’RE AT THE END

WE’RE AT THE END

WE’RE AT THE END

I HAVE DREAMED OF THIS MOMENT FOR SO LONG AND IT’S FINALLY HERE

It’s such a momentous occasion I wasn’t even sure of how to handle it. I mean, this book has reduced me to this -

 - but in just one more chapter, I shall be this:

SO LET’S GET THIS DONE.

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The story so far: Christian and Anastasia are both fucked up people who I detest and I’m trying to eat healthily in the midst of THE LONGEST RUNNING WINTER SINCE NED STARK FIRST SAID WINTER WAS COMING so I am tired and hungry and grouchy and I am trying to do this SOBER so

PENULTIMATE CHAPTER LET’S GO

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part IV of Slenderbone is up!  We finally meet slenderbone, and it’s effing awful.

Slenderboning will commence in the next update, as this chunk was effing long so I had to cut it in half. 

Part Three of our dramatic reading of Slenderbone is up!  In which we discover that our heroine is a lesbian, and there is a very long super awkward lesbian sex scene that was just so poorly written it hurt.

Also featuring: the most hilarious typo ever. 

Part II of Slenderbone is up!  No slendersex yet, but rest assured, it is coming.

Hello everyone!

Katie and I have mentioned a few times that we had something special planned for you all, and here it is.  Not only did we review Slenderbone, as was much requested, we took advantage of the rare opportunity of us both being in the same country and filmed it LIVE. We really hope you enjoy it!

The whole thing wound up being about an hour and twenty minutes long, so it will be uploaded to youtube in chunks.  We hope you enjoy it! 

Hello, dearest readers,

First off apologies for the lapse in updates. I have been wrapped up in wedding things because some bitch decided to make me maid of honor or whatever, and Monsterthalia needed a reprieve after that last monstrosity (but is working on the next installment!)  So, we’ve been silent, and we’re very, very sorry.

 

BUT!  WE’RE DOING A THING!

So, October is halfway gone already, which means November is imminent, which means… NANOWRIMO.

For those not in the loop, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, and it exists to force people to SHUT UP AND WRITE.  The goal is to write a short novel in 30 days—specifically, 50,000 words, beginning 12:01am November 1st and ending at 11:59 November 30th.  Editing is forbidden.  Sit down, shut up, and get your novel out, even if it’s shit.  ESPECIALLY if it’s shit.  Shit is practically the point of it all.

Check out the official website here: nanowrimo.org

Monsterthalia and I have done this for years, but this year, in honor of I Read Terrible Things we propose:

I WRITE TERRIBLE THINGS.

No, seriously.  Look at what we’ve been reading here.  Look at what has been published.  Look at what is being celebrated as a best seller.  WE CAN DO THAT, TOO.

Your mission, should you dare to accept it, is this: This year for NaNoWriMo, the goal is to write the worst, most cliched, derivative piece of trash you can conceive of.  Plot hole are acceptable.  Deus ex machinas are encouraged.  Laughable sex scenes will be applauded.  The more clunky and awkward the dialogue, the better. If the plot makes sense, you’re doing it wrong.

For example, this year I’ll be writing about a ghost girl who CAN’T REMEMBER HOW SHE DIED that lingers on the mortal plane because she’s still in love with her living (werewolf) boyfriend, who, SPOILER ALERT, is the one who accidentally killed her and is therefore WRACKED WITH GUILT. Meanwhile, a dark and mysteriously alluring lich boy falls in love with her and tries to have her join him in the underworld.  OH MY GOD SCRATCH THAT I’VE JUST DECIDED HE’S AN INCUBUS.  LIKE RIGHT NOW.  

If what you write won’t be bad enough for us to make fun of it, YOU’RE NOT WRITING IT BAD ENOUGH.

If this sounds like something you want to do, join us on the NaNo forum for I Write Terrible Things HERE:
http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/writing-groups-and-clubs/threads/72254

Also, feel free to add Monsterthalia or me as writing buddies!

My profile is here:http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/reasonably_crazy

And Monsterthalia’s is here:http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/mozo-zierski 

Hope you’ll join us!  If we have enough participants, we’re considering accepting taking submissions and posting excerpts of the terrible things you write, and we might have a contest with categories like Worst Sex Scene, Most Ridiculous Plot, Most Awkward Scene, Worst Dialogue, and so on.

Hollaback now, y’all. 

The Vampire Heart in question continues to not be still, as this book refuses to end.

So after 9 chapters of sexual tension, Angus and Emma have finally made it round second base before Emma ran off the pitch and forfeit the game.  This unfortunately means we probably have at least four more chapters of will-they-won’t-they, sooooo… maybe next update, folks, because it ain’t happening tonight.

What IS happening tonight? ANGER!  BETRAYAL! A FAMILY TORN ASUNDER!  MORE ROMANTIC UNDERTONES!  SEXY CHINS.

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So… guys?  I…  I had a 50 Shades of Grey dream.  

IT WASN’T WHAT YOU’RE THINKING.

Just… all that happened was… Christian Grey used my toothbrush.  As revenge.  Because apparently I was Anastasia.  And as I ‘naughtily’ used his toothbrush… he used mine. THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO BDSM WITH CHRISTIAN GREY.  NONE.  JUST… TOOTHBRUSHES.  IN ALL THE ORDINARY, NON-DEVIANT ORFICES.

I’m just profoundly uncomfortable with the fact that I’M NOT EVEN THE ONE READING THIS BOOK, and it’s invading my subconscious.

Also, I’d like to take this moment to point out, once again, that minorthalia has to read this book, and not me.

ehehehehehehehehe.

This week, VAMPIRE BONERS!  ANGST! MEASURING TAPES! DUCT TAPE! LOGIC!  …Wait, sorry, logic couldn’t make it this week.

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