I found it! I found the book! I’d stuck it in the paper bag that they gave me at the liquor store. Not sure why I put it there. I’m sure it made sense at the time.
Guys. Guys. WE’RE ALMOST DONE, GUYS. THREE CHAPTERS AND AN EPILOGUE AWAY.
I really, really want to be done with this book. I’ve mixed myself a nice tall rum and coke, and I’m going to see if I can power through the last few chapters to the end.
And then take a shower in a vain attempt to cleanse this evil from my soul long enough to get me started on the next one.
Let’s see, where were we? Ah, yes. Angus and Emma were captured, Angus was all set to eat Emma alive, and Emma tearfully refused to kill him to save herself. WHAT SHALL THESE TRAGICALLY MURDEROUS STAR CROSSED LOVERS DO??
Okay. So. Kristin and I are drunk again. Well. Not quite yet? But we already played that drinking game where you stick a mustache on the tv and drink whenever it lines up with a face. …It happened a remarkable number of times in The Eleventh Hour.
Rory he lies he gustas very much.
That’s not how Spanish works at all.
So in order to make this REALLY FANCY and keep up with the class that this blog DEMANDS, this is what Kristin and I are drinking tonight:
ALCOHOL IS IN IT. You know because it says so in caps on the bag.
It’s supposed to be like an actual daquiri, all slushy and stuff? But, after two days in the freezer, mine came out like this:
Fail, daquiri-in-a-bag. Fail.
Ah well. ALCOHOL IS STILL IN IT.
ON TO CHAPTER 20. (…bitches.)
So, Slytherinmistress (Kristin) and I have teamed up to take on chapter 19 and beyond of Be Still My Vampire Heart. We’ve already had a shot of rum each.
…This post might not be the most coherent.
LAST TIME, IN BSMVH: THEY GET CAPTURED.
THIS TIME, IN BSMVH: I GET DRUNK.
CHAPTER 19, BITCHES!
LAST TIME, in Be Still My Vampire Heart: A staggering amount of racism!
This week: Well… I made this face:
Also that is the least attractive photo of me ever.
Last time in Be Still My Vampire Heart: Angus fingered Emma!!!!!!
I feel like something else SHOULD Have happened in all those chapters BUT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE.
This week: Emma’s dad is revealed to be a MASSIVE DICK! Introduced to the narrative is an ACTUAL BLACK PERSON! Kerrelyn Sparks regurgitates SEVERAL RACIST STEREOTYPES!
Also, a gif that will likely give you a seizure if you’re prone to them. Like, seriously.
LAST TIME, IN BE STILL MY VAMPIRE HEART: A whole lot of nothing in particular.
THIS TIME, IN BE STILL MY VAMPIRE HEART: More of the same.
Hahahaha I’m kidding EMMA AND ANGUS FINALLY GET IT ON YEEEAAAAAAHHHH.
Also, the worst line in Romance Novel History. I challenge you to find a worse one.
The Vampire Heart in question continues to not be still, as this book refuses to end.
So after 9 chapters of sexual tension, Angus and Emma have finally made it round second base before Emma ran off the pitch and forfeit the game. This unfortunately means we probably have at least four more chapters of will-they-won’t-they, sooooo… maybe next update, folks, because it ain’t happening tonight.
What IS happening tonight? ANGER! BETRAYAL! A FAMILY TORN ASUNDER! MORE ROMANTIC UNDERTONES! SEXY CHINS.
I know all y’all are breathless in anticipation for the next update of Fifty Shades of Grey, but we surely cannot neglect the harrowing and thrilling romance of Emma and Angus! (Ship name? EMGUS.) In this presentation we have: POOR CHOICES, making their hundredth appearance! A 400+ year old man trying to grasp deviant sexual acts! THEY CONTINUE TO HAVE UNRESOLVED SEXUAL FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER.
I don’t like this book.
And the awkward vampire saga continues! I’m going to have to start going through this book faster. I kind of got a little unreasonably angry in this one. So, uh, sorry for the rant in there. Just.
Anyway, here we go.