I Read Terrible Things

We read terrible things. While drinking. And blog about it. With gifs.

Posts tagged Be Still My Vampire Heart

5 notes

Be Still My Vampire Heart: THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION FINALLY THANK GOD

I found it!  I found the book!  I’d stuck it in the paper bag that they gave me at the liquor store.  Not sure why I put it there.  I’m sure it made sense at the time.

Guys.  Guys.  WE’RE ALMOST DONE, GUYS.  THREE CHAPTERS AND AN EPILOGUE AWAY.

I really, really want to be done with this book.  I’ve mixed myself a nice tall rum and coke, and I’m going to see if I can power through the last few chapters to the end.

And then take a shower in a vain attempt to cleanse this evil from my soul long enough to get me started on the next one.

Let’s see, where were we?  Ah, yes.  Angus and Emma were captured, Angus was all set to eat Emma alive, and Emma tearfully refused to kill him to save herself.  WHAT SHALL THESE TRAGICALLY MURDEROUS STAR CROSSED LOVERS DO??

Read more …

Filed under Be Still My Vampire Heart i read terrible things Vampires romance drama OH MY GOD WE'RE DONE HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA MANIACAL LAUGHTER

3 notes

Be Still My Vampire Heart: ARMGASMS.


Okay. So. Kristin and I are drunk again.  Well.  Not quite yet?  But we already played that drinking game where you stick a mustache on the tv and drink whenever it lines up with a face.  …It happened a remarkable number of times in The Eleventh Hour.  

Rory he lies he gustas very much.

That’s not how Spanish works at all.

So in order to make this REALLY FANCY and keep up with the class that this blog DEMANDS, this is what Kristin and I are drinking tonight:

ALCOHOL IS IN IT.  You know because it says so in caps on the bag.

It’s supposed to be like an actual daquiri, all slushy and stuff?  But, after two days in the freezer, mine came out like this:

Fail, daquiri-in-a-bag.  Fail.

Ah well.  ALCOHOL IS STILL IN IT. 

ON TO CHAPTER 20. (…bitches.)

Read more …

Filed under i read terrible things Be Still My Vampire Heart Drunk Armgasms why am i doing this what am i doing with my life romance novels

5 notes

Be Still My Vampire Heart: Now Featuring A Negro! …And A LOT OF RACISM.

Last time in Be Still My Vampire Heart: Angus fingered Emma!!!!!!

I feel like something else SHOULD Have happened in all those chapters BUT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE.  

This week: Emma’s dad is revealed to be a MASSIVE DICK!  Introduced to the narrative is an ACTUAL BLACK PERSON!  Kerrelyn Sparks regurgitates SEVERAL RACIST STEREOTYPES!  

Also, a gif that will likely give you a seizure if you’re prone to them.  Like, seriously. 

Read more …

Filed under seizure warning I Read Terrible Things Be Still My Vampire Heart

4 notes

Be Still My Vampire Heart: DRAMA

The Vampire Heart in question continues to not be still, as this book refuses to end.

So after 9 chapters of sexual tension, Angus and Emma have finally made it round second base before Emma ran off the pitch and forfeit the game.  This unfortunately means we probably have at least four more chapters of will-they-won’t-they, sooooo… maybe next update, folks, because it ain’t happening tonight.

What IS happening tonight? ANGER!  BETRAYAL! A FAMILY TORN ASUNDER!  MORE ROMANTIC UNDERTONES!  SEXY CHINS.

Read more …

Filed under Be Still My Vampire Heart Ireadterriblethings I read terrible things vampires

4 notes

Be Still My Vampire Heart: Erotic Asphyxiation is a Complicated Business.

Allllrighty then.

I know all y’all are breathless in anticipation for the next update of Fifty Shades of Grey, but we surely cannot neglect the harrowing and thrilling romance of Emma and Angus!  (Ship name?  EMGUS.)   In this presentation we have: POOR CHOICES, making their hundredth appearance! A 400+ year old man trying to grasp deviant sexual acts!  THEY CONTINUE TO HAVE UNRESOLVED SEXUAL FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER.

I don’t like this book.

Read more …

Filed under I read terrible things Be Still My Vampire Heart Reviews commentary romance ;aksdjfhk;asjdfh THIS BOOK.