I Read Terrible Things

We read terrible things. While drinking. And blog about it. With gifs.

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chronicwhimsy asked: Did you notice how the Psycho-style violins kicked in the minute he started kissing her? I thought the warning violin screeches were amusingly appropriate! "STOP KISSING HIM. HE WILL MURDER YOU."

Yep. It seemed to be building to the reveal that the Sex Dungeon was full of dead girlfriends. I’m still not 100% convinced that it’s not going to turn out to be.

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Anonymous asked: Are you guys ever going to come back? =(

Short answer: YES! SOON! 

A longer explanation as to my absence:

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emerglades asked: What books have you read/are currently reading, and to you have any future books lined up?

Good question!

I (monsterthalia) am currently reading Fifty Shades Darker primarily, and The Tournament (Elizabeth I on a murderchess road trip!), The Mask of Troy (THE BORINGEST BOOK EVER) and The Book of the Dead (DIOGENES PENDERGAST: DIAMOND SMASHER) for some variety when I just can’t take Ana and Christian and their horrible horrible ways any more.

Jackietastic is reading Through the Cradle of Fear, but also does a lot of romance one-offs, when something truly ludicrous catches her eye. Like the dino porn. 

In future? I’ll do Fifty Shades Freed, of course, and probably whatever other ludicrous/awesome adventure archaeology catches my eye, and Jackietastic will probably keep up with the romances, though I’m trying to persuade her to do a Matthew Reilly book. 

If you have any recommendations, do let us know, we’ll either get to them in future or may be able to squeeze them in earlier.

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mariana-oconnor asked: Is it weird that the thing that I found most jarring and bizarre about the last 50 shades review was the idea of someone trying to do a figure skating move off some gymnastics equipment? Is that even possible? Is this even a relevant question? Have I become over-exposed to the insanity that is 50 shades?

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Fifty Shades Darker, chapters 4 & 5

For the record, tonight I shall be drinking the uber “classy” ‘PEACH AMORE’, aka the only kind of peach schnapps stocked in Newcastle Tescos. And because I am as classy as Peach Amore, I will be drinking it neat. Possibly from the bottle. Because tonight I must face up to the fact that…

THE STORY SO FAR!: Christian and Ana are back together. They weren’t even apart for two fucking chapters. And they’re having such vanilla sex they even remember to put the chicken back in the fridge with a plate on top whilst they do it.

Life is pain.

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Filed under fifty shades of grey fifty shades darker i read terrible things

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Anonymous asked: The Tournament would be p. cool but looks like 50 Shades beat me to the punch xD oh well. I do have a request though: Masterposts of the longer escapades (links to all the 50 Shades posts in order, for example) would be majorly awesome, if y'all ever have the spare time to do it. <3

I’ll do another Tournament review next, I promise :) And a masterpost is a great idea! I may compile one THIS VERY EVENING!

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Anonymous asked: In the words of Oliver Twist, "Can I have some more IRTT, please?"

YES ACK GOD WE ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE

I WILL DO A REVIEW THIS VERY EVENING. (You have till I finish my cheesy pasta to voice preferences for Fifty Shades, the Tournament, or Another Shitty Adventure Archaeology novel.)